


In love

by Leilani5



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Gabriel were brothers, Hope and sadness, M/M, Not a love trangle, Reminiscing the past, Starting life over again, love and romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-06-17 03:08:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15452046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leilani5/pseuds/Leilani5
Summary: Dean knew he has to leave his sad past behind especially now with this new beau in his life. Gabriel reminded him so much of Castiel with his caring, sweet and generous attitude but somehow needs to fill the void his predecessor had left in his heart.Dean realized too that he has to do something about this despondency or risk losing the love he yearned the second time around.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda miss this pairing lol.
> 
> There will be 3 POVs. One for each character/chapter, Castiel, Dean and Gabriel.
> 
> Oh and Cas and Gabe are brothers...:)

 

As I gaze at you

In this beautiful hazy dusk

I feel the cool breeze dry my teary eyes

 

As your sweet smile slowly fades away

My heart cries out ‘Don’t! Please stay!’

But my steps falter as I try to hold on to you

And fate reminds me that your time is due

That’s the last moment we shared

For our love now ended in despair

Your wave to me was the last thing I see

While the whispers I heard said you loved only me


	2. Chapter 2

_**Castiel** _

 

There it was. The big C I feared I have, now confirmed by the doctor himself. I laughed but he wasn’t even looking at me strangely, maybe he’s used to witness all kinds of reactions from patients who heard their terminal illness for the first time. There was a moment of silence between us and then he asked, “What are you thinking of, Castiel?”

I didn’t answer him immediately because my mind now filled with the images of Dean, the passionate kisses we shared in bed this morning, whispered sweet nothings to each other till he’s late for work at the coffee shop. I had dropped him off, promised to pick him up for lunch but now I’m not so sure. How can I keep up this charade any longer? Smile as my health’s failing me.

This past week alone had been hell trying to assure Dean that my outbursts had nothing to do with him. It’s just the endless workload that contributed to my mood swings, I stressed. Thankfully, he believed caused I was running out of excuses. I don’t mean to be cranky. I’ve never been in all my adult life. It’s this ailment that made me behaved this way and I hated what it was doing to us. I wasn’t afraid of dying.

I don’t want Dean to be alone.

 

 

**_Dean_ **

 

Maybe he’s just not attracted to me anymore? Maybe he regretted leaving his fiancé and threw his normal life away? Cas who has so many potentials, to be a great husband, a father and a respectable figure in his God fearing community perhaps realized that he'd made a very big mistake in choosing me. I knew he lied about being moody lately due to stress at work because the Cas I knew could handle all kinds of tasks diligently and efficiently without a single complain.

Oh how I recalled the first time we met. It felt like yesterday. I was his temp and he, my manager. He’s ten years older than me, drop dead gorgeous with shock full of dark messy hair and penetrating blue eyes. I was immediately attracted until I found out that he’s a hetero and engaged to a priest’s daughter in his hometown. Since there’s no point in making an impression, I decided to kind of slack off, meaning? be myself. I was never punctual, hmm just five or ten minutes late most days, often inappropriately dressed in tight shirts and torn jeans, hey, I was young and grumbled every time he asked for his coffee or request copies down the hall.

Castiel decided then it's time to give me the lecture, albeit gently for all these mistakes I made after office hours were over, causing me to miss hanging out with friends at the bar, not to mention the blind dates with some gorgeous hunks that I had to cancel. For weeks I thought that perhaps he was sick of me but too nice to be mean or lay me off so I made his life easier by saying I wanted to quit.

His reaction wasn’t what I expected in a million years. My shy handsome devil of a boss cornered me, literally in the corner of his office wall, begging with gasped breaths, “I need you” and then kissed me like his very life depended on it. I was speechless caused I always felt that Cas will make a hell of a preacher with his pep talk and gentle approach if he’s not already a finance manager. This annoying thought made me pulled off from that wonderful searing kiss first. My head reeled with both excitement and confusion. I was sure that he had felt the same way when he stared at me like I just stole a piece of his precious candy from his mouth.

“You’re engaged to be married..” my stupid abrupt response to him which I regretted almost immediately and then he had laughed, that adorable, dimpled, gummy laugh. I was confused but somehow happy inside knowing that I brought out this other side of him after all. Castiel’s so serious most of the time that he never laughed.

“And you’re so frustrating yet so astonishingly beautiful Dean. I can’t take my eyes off you even if I wanted to.” His heartfelt response had caused me to blush. 'Why can’t I ever say things like that? No wonder I’m still alone!' I had berated myself then. But Cas, he didn’t care as he kept searching my face, looking for some kind of reaction. So I decided to kiss him, knowing that it’s the best approach since I was never good with words anyway.

From that day on, I suspected that I brought out the bigger devil in that saintly human being. He couldn’t get his lips of mine whenever we’re alone, devouring each other, groping like hormonal teenagers between completing important tasks with dateline. Half of the time I wondered how he managed with me constantly sitting on his lap. Rumors in the office started when they noticed hickeys on our necks but we ignored them because miraculously, our work performance weren’t affected at all, probably all this new exciting energy we acquired helped. Happy hearts, happy mind, didn't they used to say? Well whatever, it worked.

Then the first time we made love was in the tiny apartment I used to share with my pretty transgender friend. I was so insanely jealous of her for quite a sometime, accusing Cas of being attracted to her too. He’s so unpredictable so who knew he wanted to try someone new since he cheated on his fiancé to be gay for me for God’s sake!  

So I demanded him after he threw out his filled condom, if there’s ever a future for us?

“I’ve left her and my family for you, Dean. You are my future. I want to be with you forever.”

I handed him a new packet of condom to celebrate.

 

**_Gabriel_ **

 

I was sure that I was in some kind of twilight zone the day Cas confessed to me over the phone that he left Ruby because he’s in love with a man. I had blurted out “What??!” spilling the expensive wine I was drinking in the process, right in the middle of a Parisian café. My date then had laughed. We were people watching in the romantic city since there's nothing else to do after the so-so sex we had.

And this call from Cas had really made the bleak afternoon more interesting caused what the hell?!  I was the rebel in the family, the one that didn’t go to college, didn’t go to church, fucking every girl I met in our town the day I hit puberty and now the boys since they’re pretty too here.

But Cas? The God fearing, quiet, proper, obedient son, proud of the family now dared to venture out to the darker side? It’s not like it’s bad though, in fact I think it’s about time. For years I've tried to make him go my way caused I hated to be the only black sheep in that sleepy household. My uptight parents had forever threatened to disown me simply because I wasn’t like Cas, their angel.

So I had repeated my question to Cas again, ”What did you just said?”

“I am in love with Dean Winchester. He’s the one I wanted to marry, Gabe but please don’t mention this to him when the three of us meet. I wanted to surprise him with an elaborate proposal. You will help me right?” Cas had implored and I could just imagined him smiling shyly on the other end. I had said yes and even joked that I will do anything for my younger brother who finally embraced my unorthodox ‘culture’. He had laughed instead of lecturing me like before. How changed he was.

I can’t wait to meet this Dean who’d successfully turned my brother’s pretty head around.

 


	3. Chapter 3

_**Castiel** _

 

I was running late for my lunch date with Dean and knew he’s probably worried about me by now for I was always punctual. The slow traffic was making it worse that I honked impatiently at the motorists ahead to speed up. They stared at me in disbelief or perhaps disgust because nobody in this nice old town ever honked except for emergencies, of course. I looked away, shameful of my increasing bouts of impulsiveness. Will this negative trait ever ends? Unfortunately I knew the answer to my own question. It will end the day I stopped functioning like a normal healthy person.

Too preoccupied with this harrowing thought that I suddenly realized that I had arrived. Dean’s running fast towards me, anxiety apparent on his pretty face. I hated to be the cause of his affliction so I hurried out of my car and immediately met him in a tight, loving embrace. We held on like we've not seen each other for years and then laughed when the patrons whistled and clapped happily at the scene we just made.

They didn’t know our love story but yet they saw how needy we were for each other. So I decided not to tell my sweetheart about my ailment. Not yet, at least. I wanted nothing but make Dean happy that afternoon. It's our third year anniversary. So I lied, saying that I was late due to my endless paperwork again. Dean seemed to believe it because I was my usual happy and calm self again. I pulled my arms away then raised my hands to cradle his face, caressing that freckled sun kissed skin, amazed how I was never tired of staring at my angel.

"Happy anniversary again, baby" I said and his shiny green eyes filled with tears of joy while his perfect mouth whispered string of rushed words, “Happy anniversary my love. I was so worried. I thought something happened to you. I tried calling you, why didn’t you answer me baby??”

I couldn’t help myself any longer as I leaned over and kissed those pretty bowed lips and whispered back, “I love you..so much...”

Dean seemed confused but didn’t probe his questions further when he said that he loved me too…so fucking much…he added. We both chuckled softly and kissed again before heading back to my car.

I took him to the first restaurant where we had our first date. It’s our tradition and it's located by the marina and since lunch hours were almost over, the place was almost empty. We talked about our day, his was uneventful until he found out that I was late and began worrying, while I've carefully omitted the doctor’s visit from our conversation, it continued to nag at the back of my head. ‘I should be truthful to Dean. I have a year to live and I wanted nothing but to spend every waking hour with him. But then what happen after I’m gone? Can I selfishly leave him to mend his broken heart on his own? Dean shouldn't be alone!.’

“Cas? Baby, you okay, honey?” his concerned voice snapped me out of my troubled thoughts that I looked at him and smiled.

“Sorry sweetheart, still thinking about work.” I lied with a nervous laugh. I was so getting used to this that I was beginning to hate myself so much.

Dean grabbed my hands and kissed both of my palms. “You worked too hard, my love. Try to take it easy too okay? I need you to take care of your own health like how you always reminded me of mine.”

How ironic and beautiful those words coming from an actual angel. The one I wanted to marry, build a little family with but now I have to let him go and I just can’t even imagine the scenario. I almost cried but then my phone rang at that instant and I thanked the divine intervention inside my heart. The lord I was grateful for turned out to be Gabriel that I burst out laughing into the phone. Dean stared at me strangely, so I grabbed his right hand and kissed it before whispering, “It’s just my brother..”

Dean grinned and nodded in understanding, while pushing his chair closer to me. I immediately wound my arm around his back, pulling him closer while talking to Gabe, all the while staring at my beautiful young lover. Dean’s very affectionate and I will miss this part of him dearly…. even in the afterlife. The thought saddened me and Gabe’s animated voice cheered me up.

“So Cassie! When on earth am I gonna receive the wedding invitation of the century, huh??! I’m dying here, old man!”

There, the finality that followed me wherever I go. Reminding me how little time I have left on this earth. My time with Dean.

 

 

_**Dean** _

 

Cas seemed like his usual self again but somehow he tended to space out every now and then. The paperwork was his excuse and I forced myself to believe him since we’re having such a lovely time in our first restaurant of our first date, I wouldn’t want to spoil his mood with dreadful questions.

My handsome boyfriend would tell me in his own time. I must respect that so while he’s busy on the phone, I gave him my undivided attention. Caressing his cheeks, his strong thighs and whispered soft words in his other ear, causing him to blush and stammer while trying to explain something serious about visiting to his rebellious, funny and kind brother Gabriel in Paris who's still sowing his oats even after all these years. I asked Cas, “Is he coming this time?!”

I can’t wait to meet the brother Cas thought very highly of. I hoped Gabe felt the same way about me too.

And funnily, it turned out to be yes! Cas confirmed that we’re all going to meet at last and my baby then immediately made arrangements to fly his older brother in style to the States. “Gabe’s going to stay with us for at least a month, Dean!” Cas exclaimed. There's so much enthusiasm in his voice that I couldn’t help basked in his joy. The brothers have not seen each other for more than twelve years so I pulled Cas closer to me and whispered, ”I’m so happy for the both of you baby. We're gonna have such great times together. I can feel it in my heart already!”

Cas teared up that very moment and whispered in my mouth, “I love you Dean..”

 

 

_**Gabriel** _

 

Well, that’s rather interesting. Here I was asking about his wedding and my brother’s obviously avoiding it for some unfathomable reason but at least some good news came out of our conversation. He’s flying me home first class and not only will I be meeting the love of his life, the mysterious Dean Winchester, I was also invited to stay in their beautiful home by the sea! Dear Satan in hell! How I wanted to scream with joy inside this excuse of art gallery museum!

Well, it’s a mortuary to be exact, surrounded by wannabe serious artists who insisted on absolute silence in that freezing environment, the broken thermostat I guessed decreased every second. We’re surrounded by various arts hung almost every space of those white walls but mind you, they’re not those Picasso types that Cas would love or even silly me would appreciate!

It’s an endless parade of splashed water colored nonsense no one here could actually comprehend but tried their best to pretend….including my three months boyfriend, Pier. He’s such a freaking, arrogant bore and when I told him that I’ll be leaving him for States for a month, his only answer was an uninteresting, ”Adieu…”waving me off with his uppity fingers and uppity chin that immediately turned to another mindless painting of a poop in some wrinkled ass? Bleggh..…I wanted throw up just looking at it! Picasso would roll in his grave at this audacity!

I left without preamble and headed towards the city to shop for the best outfits to wear in good old California! Cas, Dean, Sunshine and warm beaches! Here I come!!


	4. Chapter 4

_**Dean** _

 

We had a nice lunch and so now it’s my turn to take him to dinner but Cas seemed unaffected by my excitement. Here I was, babbling about the impossible reservation that I managed to secure for us and there he was ignoring me.

“Babe?” I called out gently for the second time but he still wouldn’t respond. I was already dressed, been waiting patiently in the den, thinking that he’s in the shower but there he was still perched at the edge of our huge bed, still in his work clothes. We’ve talked about this anniversary dinner for months and he was very excited to celebrate it at his favorite restaurant, so what’s really happening here? Was he having an affair?? I almost slap myself at that nonsense thought so I decided to approach him carefully.

“Cas?” I tried again, still no response and immediately assumed that maybe he’s exhausted but couldn’t find the heart to tell me that he wanted to cancel. I somewhat understood if that's the case but a little put off by his behavior. It’s obvious that he was having some problems and was reluctant to share them with me. We’ve never had secrets from each other, couldn’t even if we tried. Our love’s too precious to risk over something like that.

So I cleared my throat and smiled as I sat next to him, my hand squeezing his strong thigh gently through his dress pants. He turned to stare at me and for a a brief moment I thought I saw fear in those baleful blue eyes. My heart pounded fast and I pulled him close, whispered urgently in his ear.

“Baby, honey, are you okay??” I urged and he, upon hearing my anxious voice, exhaled sharply. How long has he been holding his breath?? I thought in disbelief and pulled away.

“Cas! You’re scaring me! What happened?? Is it work??” I demanded with forced calm though my expression already betrayed me when I felt his fingers smoothed the wrinkles on my forehead. It’s a habit of his, hated for me to worry cause that’s his trait, he always reminded me. I’m the carefree one and the only wrinkles he wanted to see were the corners of my eyes when I laugh.

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart.. it is about work. I was thinking of quitting.”

I almost leaped with joy but I stared at him in disbelief instead, mouth agape. I couldn’t believe my ears! I’ve been pestering him to quit and follow his dreams. Castiel, as long as I’ve known him, had always wanted to be a family guidance counselor. He’s perfect for the job, kind, patient and relentless. I was somewhat his first ‘subject’ when we’re working together. I still teased him about it constantly because if it wasn’t for him, I would’ve messed up my life one way or the other or even ended up being a stripper. Well..someone once said that I have potential.

“Oh my god! Really baby?!” I shouted as soon as I found my voice. Cas laughed and kissed me soundly before whispering, “Yes, love. I’m all yours twenty four seven.”

I pulled away in haste and stared at him, confused. He’s still smiling at me though as if he had a secret. But my mind's too busy thinking about Cas the workaholic not going to work at all?? I’m not worried about our future. We have savings. Cas had been very diligent about that. But he’s still so young! He’ll get bored even if we get to fuck every night from now on!

“Cas? What do you mean by that?” I probed, trying to sound cool but failed miserably that my man laughed his gummy laugh, dimples and all. Usually I’ll pull him in and kiss him senseless cause I can’t help myself. He’s just too darn adorable!

“Exactly that, baby. I will be at your beck and call from tomorrow onwards. I’m not going to work anymore. I want to spend every single second with you.” He stated so calmly as if it’s a natural thing.

I couldn’t stop staring at him that he held me close and whispered so softly that I almost missed hearing his words.

“Don’t worry my love. I will take care of you forever…”

 

_**Castiel** _

 

Dean’s worried. I knew simply by listening to the erratic beating of his heart against mine. But he believed me like he always did and I loved him so much. I meant it when I said that I’ll take care of him forever. I hope I could still love him and watch over him from heaven. God won’t forsake my one humble request right? I've been praying to Him for this favor every night, even before I knew about my terminal illness.

And Gabriel, I hope that he will be Dean's guardian angel and though it hurt me to say this, I wanted him to continue loving and caring for my baby after I’m gone. I’m not delusional. I couldn’t force a romantic relationship between them but I trusted my brother more than I trusted anyone. And they both shared the same personalities. They’re happy and carefree individuals yet kind and thoughtful at the same time. They’re perfect for each other. Hot tears sprang fast in my eyes that Dean got panic again.

“Cas! Why are you crying?! For God’s sake please tell me unless you wished to witness my outrage!!”

For some reason, his words made me laugh, and laughed I did. So hysterically that he did get mad! He demanded to know what‘s wrong with me and instead of explaining myself, I pulled him down with me on the bed and kissed him like the first time I kissed him in our office. He tried to protest but soon I rendered him speechless with the passion I felt for him all these wonderful years. We're so immersed in each other's warmth that we totally forgotten about our dinner reservations.

I promised him that we’ll go the next evening and he nodded weakly against my chest before surrendering to a deep slumber. I didn’t sleep, couldn’t sleep, perhaps for the rest of my very short life.

 

_**Gabriel** _

 

Here’s the thing. Think I was a changed man even before I set foot in California. What the hell?? The pretty flight attendants, male and female, had flirted shamelessly with me but I found myself not responding to their advances one bit!. So I sat there, in my first class suite, pondering what the hell's the matter with me? Am I getting too old that my expectations too got higher without me even realizing it?? Or maybe that I’ve come to that point where I didn’t need romance to survive in this world after all?? Oh for God's sake! Stop thinking shit! Just nail the first willing beauty that happened to cross your path later!

What a terrible idea that was because when the first moment I saw Dean Winchester, I realized that he’s the one I wanna bang if he hadn’t already belonged to my brother!

But, hey, I’m not a scumbag! I have ethics. I don’t betray nor hurt the ones I truly loved, especially not my blood brother and my future brother in law. They’re such a striking pair to look at, such a beautiful, charming couple that they almost made me believed in love and romance again. How I wish I have what they have.

Later on, I would found out that I might have wished just a little too hard.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Castiel** _

 

It's bittersweet to watch the two people I love interact with such genuine ease. Dean warmed up to Gabe almost immediately which wasn't a surprise really since they're both extroverts. I was jealous. Yes crazy jealous but I kept reminding myself of my plans for all of us. Especially for Dean whose happiness will be cut short when I'm finally confined to my illness. I would leave this earth in peace knowing that he's enveloped in Gabe's affection and not sadness.

"You okay baby? You're so quiet sweetheart, what's wrong?" Dean's concerned voice interrupted my thoughts so I smiled at my beautiful lover, to erase that worry on his face.

"Nothing's wrong, darling. I was just thinking that maybe you can take Gabe around the city after this? God knows if he remembers his own hometown at all!" I announced, making things light so that they won't suspect a thing. I still need to find the right moment to confide in them about my illness cause I just can't, now. The feelings, the fear, the truth were all still too raw.

Dean stares at me like I've grown another head on my shoulder. "Don't you wanna come with us baby??" he asked with a nervous laughter. Dean's always like that when he's uncomfortable in a situation.

"I just remembered that I needed to close some cases at the office before I turned them over to the new manager, baby. I hope you don't mind?" I asked but it sounded like pleading to my own ear, yearning for my young lover to adhere to my first effort in weaning off our relationship. It hurts so bad to lie to him but I had to. I have no other choice.

Gabe's staring at us in confusion and then decided to blurt out his own opinion on the matter.

 

 

_**Gabriel** _

 

Dean's a Godsend! Unfortunately not for me and fortunately for my brother. Castiel is loved and the love Dean gave him was the purest one I've seen in my stupid life. When he was talking to me, I noticed that his green gaze never left Cas' blues for too long. Normally, I would found this kind of blatant distraction (towards me, of course) rather offensive but not now. I even wished I could read the things on their minds.

Like I imagined that maybe Dean was saying telepathically to Cas, 'Don't worry baby, I'm still thinking of you and no matter what this foolish brother of yours said to me, making me laugh, you matter more to me than he ever will.'

Wait. That's not right! Why am I selling myself short in my own freaking imagination! Silly! I laughed and they both turned to stare at me and I laughed harder thinking that Cas was sending a telepathic reply to Dean,"Yes you're right, sweetheart, my brother is a moron and nothing he said was worth your attention!'

Well, whatever. I stopped myself when I realized that I am a minority in my own sick thoughts when Dean suddenly spoke.

He's worried about my brother. Aww....how sweet was that? Oh mother! When can I ever get an attentive and gorgeous lover like him?!

But wait! Cas said what? He wanted Dean to do what, go where with me?? Am I hallucinating again?? Wake up Gabe! Pay attention to their conversation!

Oh yes, I was right... Cas did want his boyfriend to take me around town. Has he gone nuts?!! Dean's a sure thing and I'm a ....I'm a ...well for lack of a better word, a Crocodile!!

Cas was giving Dean some crappy excuse about going to the office, blah blah, couldn't join us until much later. Seriously, what's that all about? Maybe Cas don't love Dean as much as he's loved?? Possibly? Should I take that as a good prospect for myself to jump the wagon? Oh for fuck's sake Gabe! Get a reality check on yourself!

So I did what every responsible, caring, older sibling would do. Interrupt their conversation.

"Cassie, don't be silly! Dean's right! I've not seen you for way too long buddy that I've forgotten how handsome you looked! Come on! Let's us handsome men paint the town red!" I shouted and I don't care because I don't know what the hell I just did. Have I prevented a fight between them? I'll applaud myself later if it's true but in the meantime, I'm getting antsy. 

I mean Dean's really, really pleasant to ogle at and be with but I can't wait to hit the town man!!

 

_**Dean** _

 

Thank God for Gabe! If it wasn't for his persistence, Cas wouldn't joined us! The man's eccentric but damn straightforward, like me! I couldn't stop laughing at every things he shared especially his wild European flings! Oh boy, how different he was from my Cas who's so gentle, so careful with words and other people's feelings... and then I noticed, that he's more quiet than usual. I found that I both love and hate to think that he's jealous of Gabe.

But I still needed to know what's wrong so I asked and he suggested that I, his steady boyfriend take his pleasure seeking brother around town! Why?? Aren't he afraid? Not that I would fall for Gabe. I couldn't and wouldn't even look at another because of our strong love for each other. So hopelessly in love I was that his suggestion and excuses upset me! So I thus repeat, Thank God for Gabe's intrusion!

Cas pulled me aside when Gabe settled in the guest room and kissed me sweetly. I asked, "Hon..what's that all about? You can tell me the truth now that he can't hear us."

Cas just smiled and shook his head as if nothing's wrong but I wasn't satisfied.

"Cas, please tell me love. What's all that about?" I asked without smiling and Cas knew when to take me seriously so he replied rather sheepishly that I couldn't wait to kiss him senseless.

"I'm just a little jealous to see you two so happy, that's all sweetheart. I'm so sorry..that was so stupid of me.." he confessed with regret so I kissed him senseless that we ended up making love, causing Gabe to groan outside our opened door. 

We had a nice time but if I dared to guess, Cas was trying to make up for his absurd jealous stint by pushing me and Gabe together all the fucking time! Like sitting next to each other at the bar, in the ferris wheel, and in fact in the car too. I stopped him right there! Reminding him that he's not our freaking Uber driver!

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

_**Gabriel** _

 

Thank God for those loud crashing waves outside cause I swear those two lovers are going at it again from the sound of it. Though I’m glad that they’re just muffled whispers instead of lustful moans like this morning! Ah!! My poor eyes and ears! I still couldn't get rid of the lurid image of Dean bouncing fervently on my baby brother’s cock off my mind! It’s not that it’s a bad view, far from it but I still felt like a jerk for appreciating those round, freckled globes at that time!

Luckily for me, they didn’t notice my appearance until I harrumphed loudly for them to stop or at least shut the damn door! And I remembered Dean’s exact word was, “Sorry hon! We totally forgotten that you're here! Can you please be a doll and close it for us?” With his wink and lopsided smile, I thought I've died and gone to hell. Because.

Those two things he did messed up my already corrupted mind the entire morning! But God’s clearly on my side because I somehow managed to control my raging desire to fuck while reminding myself that it’s sick to lust after your BROTHER’S BOYFRIEND!

But then I guessed even God has a strange sense of humor because half of the time that we’re out, Cas was constantly pushing Dean literally to me! I never thought that a harmless ride on a ferris wheel could be so torturous!

Cas grinning at us from the ground like a freaking Cheshire cat through all those three rounds, blissfully uncaring that his lover sitting so close by my side! Me? The relentless playboy brother of his?! I hated to think of this thought again, but Cas seemed like he really don’t love Dean as much as he’s loved. Never mind, I tell myself that I will find the right moment to pull that idiot brother of mine aside and give him my bloody unwanted opinion!

 

_**Castiel** _

 

I’ve realized that I’ve gone too far but what else can I do, really? If I didn’t start now, then there’s no chance that they’ll get closer before I’m gone. It hurts both me and Dean alike and confused my brother as hell but it needed to be done. Dean’s quiet now, sulking, wouldn’t even look at my face since we got home.

Poor Gabe’s already gone to bed probably suffering from his jetlag. But it's good to know that both Dean and he had a great time despite their exasperation with my actions. It hurts to see them happy together and yet it brought some kind of peace within me knowing that everything will be okay in the future. Dean will be happy as long as Gabe's there for him.

It’s bittersweet when I thought about our lives as siblings. We’re both brought up in a strict God fearing household and then Gabe decided to bolt to Paris where no one could stop him from living his life to the nines and there I was, slowly patching up the hole he left behind, adhered to my parents’ wishes and became the exemplary child they’ve always wanted. Engaged to a priest’s daughter and became a tax accountant. I’ve resigned myself to that regimented life thinking that that’s the path I should lead.

And then I met Dean and we both fell in love for the first time. So deeply in love that we would argue with anyone who dared say that true love doesn’t exist. Best thing that happened to me was the first time I laid my eyes on him. He’ so mischievous yet so beautiful that I even imagined myself being his boyfriend. He didn’t know it then cause I was always aloof around him. I knew that he’s gay from the discreet phone conversation he made in the pantry, his tight shirts and tight pants, riling me up every time that I reminded him to dress appropriately for the office.

The truth was I couldn’t care less if he comes in naked cause all I yearned for everyday was to be close to him. That’s all I ever wished for and then selfishness overcame me when I decided to disrupt his dates with these other men once and for all. I was jealous of them as hell! 

Yes, I was engaged to be married at that time but then Lilith wouldn’t go out on a date with me either. I’ve always suspected that she too was forced into this union but afraid to go against her dad’s wishes. After all everyone in town was looking forward to our huge church wedding where her father himself would marry us.

“You can just sit there! Say nothing as if you hadn't try to ruin our day, Cas?!” Dean’s harsh whispers startled me. I thought that he’s still sulking in the bathroom and I couldn’t help but smiled at him now. Dean’s talking, my baby's talking to me and oh how I missed his voice even though he's mad.

“I’m sorry love. I didn't mean to ignore you and that thing at the fair Won’t happen again, I swear. Come sit next to me darling… let me hold you..” I offered gently but Dean clicked his tongue in annoyance and then paced our wooden floor before turning to face me.

“I don’t want to sit Cas! I want you to tell me what the hell were you doing?? Pushing me away?? Practically onto Gabe’s lap! Have you lost your freaking mind?!” he exclaimed though still in harsh whispers considering my brother’s probably fast asleep in the next room. His wide green eyes shone with anger and I’ve never witnessed anything more beautiful that I sighed.

“Dean. You’re angry… please let me hold you baby..” I begged, beckoning him to my open arms but Dean shook his head then stared at me before desperate questions escaped his lips.

“What Is Wrong With You?! What’s going on inside your mind, Cas? Are you tired of me already? Is there someone else? Do you wanna go back to your old life or maybe Lilith?? Just please! Tell me!!” Dean implored on the verge of tears that I rushed forward to hold him tight and pulled him down to our bed.

Thankfully he didn’t resist and I knew that he’s just as emotionally drained as I was. This wasn’t the first time he suspected that I’ve fallen out of love with him. It’s been going on for weeks when I was dealing with the changes I felt inside my body.

“Dean, I’m sorry I made you upset baby. I didn’t intend to hurt you trust me. I just wanted you to get closer to my brother since he may live with us here in our house forever. I’ve already asked him while we’re at the airport. I wanted to tell you but he hasn’t given me his answer yet. So I hope that you’ll forgive me this too please? I love you so much baby…please don’t cry…” I whispered soothingly, caressing his wet cheek with my thumb, pleading with my eyes as I gazed down at him.

Dean nodded and choked in his sobs when he replied, “I love you so much too!” Then he smacked my arm and scolded me,”Why didn’t you tell me this earlier you old fool!!” His tearful outburst made us both laughed at each other that I couldn’t help myself kissing him softly. He responded and I felt such a rush of relief overcame me.

“This old fool is really sorry again for what he’s done. Forgive me baby?” I pleaded and Dean kissed me again. I was forgiven yet again but I realized that my time to confess is drawing near. The thought depressed me in such that I began talking about Gabe. The topic lifted our spirits as we recalled the crazy things he did that day.

 

 

**_Dean_ **

 

The pain inside my heart eased after those burdening questions left my mind. And now we’re both happy again like we’re supposed to be feeling that afternoon. We talked about Gabe. The wacky guy whom I suspected came from another planet because of the endless energy he exuded. Cas confessed to me that Gabe might live with us.

I mean, I don’t mind cause his brother’s fun and all but how come so sudden this decision he made? I refused to probe him further though because this is his house after all even though he argued that it’s ours. Cas has the right to open his home to any of his family members and maybe he wanted to make up for lost times with his only sibling or perhaps worried that Gabe’s actually lonely despite his sexual dalliances in the old world.

I tried racking my brain thinking of other reasons and then it occurred to me that perhaps Cas ran out of funds and didn't want to alarm me so therefore he asked Gabe for a favor to stay and help! But that’s a ridiculous thought cause he’d just received some of his inheritance left by his dead father from his mother.

Well, never mind. I’m so tired of thinking and crying and I really need to calm my nerves. This afternoon fiasco that Cas pulled was best forgotten or I’ll go nuts! I stared at my lover, sleeping next to me, his shut eyelids moving rapidly, maybe he’s dreaming, I thought. I just hoped that it’s a happy dream about us so I bent down to kiss his lips softly and tiptoed out of the bedroom. I saw the kitchen light’s on and wondered if Cas had forgotten to turn it off but was surprised to see Gabe sitting at the table with a glass of red wine in his hand.

“Hey, you’re up. We thought that you’re already in bed!” I announced with a small laugh and he chuckled too.

“Fucking jetlag, wouldn’t you know it?” he replied with humour that I laughed harder.

“We have some sleeping pills if you want?” I offered as I opened the upper cabinet to look for the bottles but Gabe immediately declined to take any.

“Good old wine’s the best remedy to every problem, don’t you agree?” Gabe asked with a playful wink that I nodded and smiled while taking a seat opposite him.

He got up and grabbed another glass before pouring me some of the Merlot.

“Here, drink up..I know you needed it too….” Gabe insinuated and I couldn’t help myself asking.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean, Dean. Cas had been acting strange even to me. So did he tell you what’s wrong just now?” Gabe asks while sipping his red wine but his whiskey eyes never left me once.

“He did. About his request to you that you'll live with us permanently and that’s the reason why he wanted us to be close.” I confessed and he shakes his head and laugh humorlessly.

“And you bought that?” Gabe asked with a slight frown and curious smile. There’s no sarcasm in his voice however I chose to digress!

Straightening myself up in my seat, I replied pointedly to him. “Of course! I trusted him and I was also happy that you might even consider his offer because I liked you! My mistake!” I stood up abruptly, ready to storm off from my unpleasant company. I spoke too soon to Cas just now! Gabe’s a horrible person to live with!

And then I felt he grabbed my wrist and spun me around. For someone who’s a foot shorter than me, he’s pretty strong.

“What the hel..” my words were cut off by his calm reply.

“He didn’t offer nor talked me into staying here forever, Dean.”

I yanked my hand away and stared at him. “So what are you trying to tell me Gabriel? That my boyfriend lied to me and that I’m a fool to believe the words he said? That you knew him better?”

Gabe shook his head and gave me a small smile.

“Dean, baby. I am just as worried as you are now, believe me. I think that there’s something he kept from us but we shall find out. Tomorrow. Now come back to the table and drink with me beautiful!”

 

**_Castiel_ **

I didn’t mean to spy on them but I heard their soft voices and laughter from the hallway. I was worried when I didn't find Dean next to me in bed.

I saw them laughing and talking and at one point almost collided bodily with each other and then I heard Gabe called my lover beautiful.

What's going between them? Did my effort to bring them closer together worked so well that my brother decided to work his own magic on my lover after all?

It hurts so much to think that I might be right but I need to let it go. At least I know now that this will be the worse of all my sufferings. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

_**Castiel** _

 

I knew that Dean went to bed late last night and though I tried to stay up for him, I couldn't. My ailing health wouldn't allow me. Recently I got easily exhausted even at odd times of the day that even caffeine couldn't help.

I smiled sadly at my beloved sleeping on his tummy next to me, wondering how much he had to drink last night? But knowing Gabe, he must've coerced my baby to drink himself silly. It's okay, I shouldn't mind, even after what I heard and saw last night, I must remember that I shouldn't mind. They're forming a bond and I should be glad that my plans are working. So I decided to do something out of the ordinary to reward myself. I got out of bed carefully and then headed for the shower. 

I made breakfast for the first time in my life for all of us as quietly as I could. But the sound of sizzling bacon in the frying pan were so impossibly loud that I received my first audience. It's my brother, leaning by the doorway with a sloppy smile on his unshaven face.

"Morning." I greeted as he walked slowly towards me with his arms folded across his chest, still smiling away.

"What?" I asked curiously before turning my attention back to the angry bacon. He laughed then pushed me away while snatching the spatula off my hand at the same time. I groaned in protest but he ignored me.

"Too much butter,  Cassie! You know you can't cook even if your life depends on it!" he teased. I shot him an irritating glance but smiled nevertheless cause he's right. Dean's the cook in our home and oh what an excellent cook he was! Sadness overcame me again when I realized what a pair they'll make cause Gabe's a culinary extraordinaire too for living in Paris for years. So many things they have in common that even a blind man could see. I felt the tears forming fast in my eyes.

"Hey? You okay, buddy?" Gabe's gentle voice interrupted my thoughts that I quickly looked away because my stupid tears actually fell.

Luckily, he's too busy attending to the cooked bacon and so I took the opportunity to snatch the paper towel and rubbed my face hard.

"I'm good! Just hate the stupid oil on my face!" I grumbled my lies and thankfully he believed me cause he laughed harder.

"You've always been hopeless in the kitchen Cassie but I don't worry cause your pretty boyfriend said he's the cook!" 

I laughed albeit softly at his words and excused myself to start the coffee machine.

"Why are you up early, Gabe? Didn't you guys stayed up late last night drinking yourselves to a stupor?" I asked with my back facing him.

Gabe approached me and whispered in my ear,"Ooh...but that's not all we did, brother.."

My head snapped around and I stared down at him. "What do you mean??" Regret filled my entire being the second the words left my lips. What the hell am I doing?! There's no reason to be a jealous boyfriend now cause Gabe would stay away from Dean and I only have myself to blame!

"Fuck, you're jealous! I thought that you're simply devoid of those wonderful emotions, Cassie! And poor Dean! He thought that you're having an affair and then tried to push him into my loving arms!" Gabe announced with laughter while shaking his head incredulously.

"Shut up, Gabe! You know that's not true and I hope you don't feed his mind with nonsense about me cheating on him! I warn you brother!" I threatened. The seriousness in my voice made him ceased laughing and then he stared at me.

"I was just joking." He said and then with an equally serious voice, he added,"Tell me the truth then what's going on with you. You can hide from Dean, Cas. but I'm your brother. Remember that."

I stared at him and before I tempted to lie again, Dean's voice greeted us from behind.

"Yes you can't hide from him but you shouldn't lie to me, Castiel." 

 

**_Gabriel_ **

 

Shit. Dean's here. Now Cas gonna lie again or worse clam up cause I suspected this thing he's going through has everything to do with his lover. But I decided to agree with the blond and then took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Come guys, let's all sit down and talk about what's eating my brother Cassie." I announced with slight humor in my voice to calm the tense situation but Cas strode past by me while muttering, "There's nothing wrong me and I just remembered that I have to go the lawyer's office this morning."

I tried to grab him by his forearm but he's too fast. Dean managed to stop him though at the doorway by pulling his waist. 

"Don't leave my love, please?" Dean begged and I turned my head to look at them. Cas didn't try to resist though his eyes seemed downcast. 

"I love you, so please tell me what's bothering you sweetheart..?" Dean begged softer now and if that's not romantic to Cas, I don't know what! That dumb brother of mine! I would've turned putty if someone pretty spoke like that to me!

Then after an eternity, I finally heard Cas voice. "Nothing, darling. I was feeling a little insecure about you two last night, that's all."

Fucking bullshit! I marched up to him, pried him away from Dean and gave him my unpopular opinion.

 

**_Dean_ **

 

Oh for goodness sake! I hope they won't fight in my spotless kitchen! Just why Gabe had to pull that stunt? Not allowing Cas a chance to explain himself! My baby said that he's insecure but I need to know about what?! I'm so damn curious to hear his following words and here's Gabe all mad telling that he's lying!

"You're not jealous, Cas! Don't give us that shit! So come on! Tell me what's going on in that head of yours?!" Gabe shouted and personally, I found him offensive! How dare he talked to my beautiful boyfriend that way!

"Hey, Gabe! Take it easy will you?! Let me handle this in private!" I said with a little forcefully so that he'll backed off but the man simply wouldn't. 

"No, Dean! He will lie to you but us together he'll have no choice but to come clean!" Gabe said without tearing his eyes off Cas' sad face. My heart went out to my lover who I know hated confrontation of any kind. Cas' a private person and we need to respect about him so I took the liberty to tell Gabe exactly that.

He's somewhat pissed off by my suggestion when he left with a loud frustrated groan.

My focus now solely on my lover who's now shedding tears before me. 

"Cas! Baby what's wrong my love?!" I almost shouted but managed to refrain myself so that Gabe wouldn't run back in.

"Dean...I love you so much...so fucking much and I am so afraid of losing you baby..so afraid.." he cried that I pulled him close and tight to my body.

I was thinking that maybe he's right about being jealous of Gabe! That stupid insensitive brother of his! I'm gonna try to put some distance between us from now on only for Cas's sake!

"You'll never lose me, love! Even when I'm gone from this earth I will always be with you! I swear to you my heart!" 

 

_**Castiel** _

 

I lost it when I heard the words I was meant to say. 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for this horrible delay in updating this fic. I was very busy with my events but now I'm free again!! yayy!!

Gabriel

 

There's really no reason for me to stay in this house any longer. My brother chose to lie to Dean instead of confessing the truth! Jealous my ass! He knew that I would never hurt him that way! And worse of all, he could never lie to me even if he tried! 

I may be callous in romance but I'm certainly not a scoundrel as to charm my own brother's lover! Goddammit! He infuriated me so much that I have to leave before I literally hit some sense onto his stupid head!

For now, I just hope that Dean's able to help him solve his issues after I'm gone. Now where the hell did I keep my passport?! Shit!

 

Dean

 

I've never seen Castiel sad, let alone crying like his entire world is coming to end! My boyfriend who's always been the stronger one between us, not one to falter in the face of adversaries, big or small, now so broken because of my closeness with Gabe? Even though it sounded ridiculous to me since he knew how true my love is! Hurting him means hurting myself! 

But still, I held him close in bed, soothing him with loving words and sweet kisses. It worked because soon he fell asleep with his head resting on my chest. I let him be for awhile before slipping out of bed quietly. I needed to speak to Gabe who I knew still hopping mad at my baby! Well, who could blame him, really? Cas jealousy's unfounded not to mention awkward for all of us even though he has every right to feel insecure! Then why did he invite Gabe to live with us then?? I really couldn't understand?

I heard some activity in the guest room and realized that Gabe's still awake. I knocked on his door and the noise suddenly stopped. I've to knock three times before he finally let me in.

"What are you doing?" I asked, curiously staring at the opened luggage with clothes strewn haphazardly in it.

"Take a wild guess, gorgeous." he replied plainly, before turning his back to me and started rummaging through the drawers of his nightstand.

"You're leaving? Why??" I asked in disbelief that he scoffed.

"Need you asked the obvious, Dean? I know that you're clever than that!"

"You don't have to be rude to me, Gabe. I was only asking." I countered but gentler than I normally sounded in this kind of situation. I knew he didn't mean to be sassy.

Gabe slammed the drawer shut and turned to stare at me. "I didn't buy the jealous crap he told you and I hoped as hell you agreed with me too. Please, there's something serious going on with my brother but if you choose to believe him then I'd better leave you guys alone."

I sighed at the door, staring back at him with shaking my head slowly. "Gabe...I understood how you felt cause I've never seen him this way before either but maybe he's telling the truth. You knew how exclusive we are that maybe..." 

Gabe sighed in exasperation and asked, "Maybe what, Dean? Keep me at a safe distance?"

"Just for now until he's secure and comfortable with our friendship?" I suggested with hope that he'll understand but then he slammed his luggage shut.

"Bullshit. I'm outta here." he replied with spite and just when I was about to stop him, Cas' soft voice spoke from behind me.

"I am dying.."

Both Gabe and I turned to stare at him in bewilderment. Of all the things he could say, he'd chose that??

But Gabe beat me to it when he spoke," Cas, please! I'm the dramatic one in our family, so just cut this stupid crap!"

"Baby..?? Why must you say such horrid thing about yourself, love?" I asked in desperation and grabbed his arm."Come on, it's late, let's go to bed." I suggested but he pulled away gently. His gaze was downcast and I noticed that he's actually crying when the tears fell from his face!

"Cas!!" I yelled and cradled his face but he pushed me off again and growled in frustration.

"I. AM. DYING!"

We both stared at him again before I spoke in a whisper."Stop this baby and let's go to our room and talk about what's really bothering you sweetheart. Please?" 

"NO!!. DID YOU HEAR ME, DEAN?!! I SAID I AM DYING!!!" Cas shouted, his voice broke at the end, making me realized that he's dead serious!

"What the hell are you saying, Cas?! You're jealous till you wanna kill yourself?! Get a grip of yourself cause I'm leaving!!" Gabe beat me again before I even got the chance to query my lover.

Cas stormed off to our bedroom and reemerged seconds later with a few documents in his hands. He passed them to me and said quietly,"Read these, Dean."

I only got to the first paragraph when I felt the entire air sucked out of my lungs. I couldn't breathe nor found my voice and if it wasn't for Gabe rudely snatching the papers out of my shaky hands, I would've forgotten how to breath again.

Gabe's voice reading those words from the damn documents and then yelling at Cas confirmed my fear. This can't be true. Not MY Cas! Not my beloved Cas! My heart screamed where my voice failed me.

"I have less than a year to live. I hope you'll both forgive me for not having the courage to tell you this earlier." Cas explained with forced calm as he took my shivering hands in his. I stared at his wet blue eyes and his sad smile before pushing him off like he'd pushed me earlier.

"I think you're lying! I know what you're trying to do!!! You're tired of me and you wanted to get rid of me by creating all these nonsense!!" I screamed with rage even though my heart's breaking to pieces as I snatched the papers back from Gabe.

"I'm gonna fucking burn these shit you created!! How about that huh?!!" I threatened and then marched towards the living room with Cas hot on my trails. He managed to grab me from behind right before I tossed the papers into the raging hearth and turned me around fast. I freed myself from his tight grip but then he grabbed my face in his hands and forced me to look at him. With harsh, urgent whisper, he pleaded.

"Dean, sweetheart! I am not lying! I am dying and that's why you shouldn't destroy these evidence or you won't get any of the insurance payouts later my love, give them back to me?? Please?"

"Shut up! I don't believe you! You won't get rid of me this easy. YOU hear me?! Game's over!!" I cried in exasperation while trying to push him off but he's unyielding that I began yelling like one's possessed, "LET GO OF ME!!!" while inside my heart I couldn't stop praying that this was all just a bad dream and hoped that someone would snapped me out of it fast! But Cas soft imploring voice kept begging me to listen to him but I refused to comprehend his words until Gabe began reading out loud something important that the hospital stated. 

"You're so fucking stupid, Cas!! Why did you refused the chemo?! You could've a better chance to live years longer!!!"

Then I knew I had to accept that this was real after all. Cas was dying and I hated him like I never hated anyone in my life. I ran out of the room and into our car, sitting there stunned by this hellish revelation that I am losing the person I loved more than my own life! How could God do this to us?! We loved each other so much! How could he leave me like this?! How could he?!! We're supposed to be together forever!!! How could he?!!

 

Castiel

 

Dear God in heavens...please give me the strength to face the most difficult test of this ordeal. I couldn't bear to witness the hurt in my lover's face when he realized that I am indeed leaving this world. 

I sat next to him in the passenger seat and gently took his hand in mine, thankful that he didn't pushed away though he's visibly trembling. 

"You can't leave me Cas...please don't leave me.." he cried that I pulled him close to my body.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

Dean

 

Eight months passed since Cas fateful confession and during all that time I've tried my best to stay strong for the both of us. He always reminded me not to be sad and cherished this short time we have together though we both knew that it's not easy. 

Cas looked so pale and gaunt now that he barely resembled the handsome strapping man I used to know. But yet my love for him never diminished, in fact, it only grew stronger with each passing day. I never left his side, nor Gabe who once threatened to leave. His older brother had accepted his fate and together we did our very best to make him happy. 

I admired my beautiful lover for his strength and told him so but he insisted that I was the stronger one in this situation and made me promise to be happy always even after he's gone. He's no idea how I was already dying inside. I couldn't imagine life without him and I knew that he wanted someone else to fill his place in my heart. How can anyone replace the only person that I loved with all my heart, body and soul?

The thing was during this time too that Gabe seemed like a changed man and if I dared say, he's almost like Castiel the way he behaved. Very serious in dealing with things, gone were the expletives he loved to use, in joke or anger though he managed to make all of us smile in our darkest moments. He dealt with most of the important things in our household like the bills and other paper works. He even went out to work to support all of us, thus allowing me to care for Cas till his final days.

I wasn't the only one noticing these changes in him for he too garnered new respect from my dying lover.

"Dean....if I ask something of you..., will you promise me not to be angry with me, sweetheart?" Cas whispered to me one evening when I was tucking him in bed next to me.

 

Castiel

 

I have four months left to live in God's beautiful earth and I've learned to accept my sad fate and prayed everyday that Dean would be the same way too. It's hard to tell though because he seemed calm whenever he's with me but I knew he's been crying alone.

I hated to see him sad because of me. Even though it's no fault of mine that my life's ending, I still couldn't help blaming myself. Dean should be happy because he's the sun that brightens my short life and everyone else's for that matter.

So I asked him one evening to give love another chance after I'm gone while trying my best to keep my own tears at bay. Gabe's a changed man and I knew that he'll be good for my Dean. It's the hardest thing I had to do apart from leaving him. He stared at me in pure disbelief and looked away with his body shaken. I held him by the waist and begged him to face me again.

"Dean...please my love...this is very important for me." I pleaded, with my weak voice choked in controlled sobs that he turned around fast and shouted.

"I know that you're worried about me Cas but I can't and I won't love Gabe! I won't love anyone else but you, don't you understand?! I love you too much or didn't you know it yet?!" 

I struggled to sit up but it's so hard that Dean realized that he had to help me even though he's angry at me.

"Thank you.." I whispered weakly in his arms and then added,"...please Dean, will you accept my last request...please, my heart? For us...""

And I could never erased his painful cries from my mind till the day I drew my last breath.

 

Gabriel

 

Apparently Cas had thought of everything even before he told us about his condition. He'd arranged for both Dean and I to inherit our family's fortune after he's gone. The house we all lived in now was paid off so that we won't be burdened with mortgage payments anymore down to the details of his smaller possessions. Dean would keep his car or he could sell it if he wanted to but of course, we all knew that his boyfriend wouldn't. It's an old black Chevy and Dean loved it like he'd loved it's owner.

I found myself changed, because of this. Where my life has no purpose before now it seemed that I'm taking charge of most things and Dean even let me. I couldn't blame him because he needed Cas as much as my brother needed him. Their love for each other was inevitable and enviable that more often than not, I wished that I would have the same blessings. 

Perhaps, I wished too hard when Dean came into my room and told me about my brother's last request. I was stunned speechless to say the least. I couldn't think of anything rational or coherent to say at that moment that caused Dean to pale and ran out of my room.

Fortunately, my limbs worked where my voice failed when I began chasing after him and pulled him in fast. He's clearly surprised by my action but my face said everything. 

That I agreed with my brother's final request. 

But let me get this record straight. I wasn't in love with Dean because he's in love with Castiel but I was at one point attracted to him so therefore this wouldn't be so awkward for all of us.

Dean has all the qualities I wanted in a partner and his true love for my brother made me respected him deeper. He may not love me as he loved Cas but for their sake, I am willing to take that risk. 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Dean

 

It's been weeks since Cas left us and yet I couldn't stop reminiscing our love or his final declaration of love to me because I still wouldn't accept that he's actually gone. The house's seemed too big and empty despite Gabe's relentless attempts to lift both our spirits especially mine while struggling to nurse his own sadness. I know that it's selfish of me to think of only my loss but Cas had been a very important part of my life. I yearned to hold him and cherish him in my arms. Why was fate so cruel to take him away from me? I love him and I missed him so much.

The light of my life was gone so I didn't see any reason to do anything or even smile for anyone anymore. I wasn't motivated, just lay in bed all day and night while Gabe patiently attended to my needs, just like how he did when Cas was in his final weeks. But I was a worse patient because my pain was self inflicted.

There's a part of me that hoped Gabe would grow tired of me eventually and then leave but there's also another part of me that was terrified of losing the only link I have with Cas. This mourning for my beloved was so overwhelming that I was not only hurting myself but his brother in the process. Yet there Gabe was, staring, waiting for me with so much hope in his kind eyes that I couldn't just turn away like I always did.

"I love you, Dean and I assure you again that you don't have to love me in return because I know it's never easy to forget someone like Castiel. I just wanted to help ease your suffering. Just tell me how to Dean, please? Let me help you. If only for him then. Our promises to him, Dean." he begged and for the first time in months I cried not just for Cas, but for all of us.

Because as much as I tried to show Gabe that I wasn't affected by his attention and kindness, deep down I was grateful that he's here to save me from myself. Cas would've been very disappointed to see me wasting away when I already promised to him too that I would be okay.

So I pushed the sheets away from my body and raised up slowly from bed for the first time. I respected that Gabe didn't rush to assist me as he stood watching me vigilantly at the corner of my room.

I realized that I had lost so much weight when I swayed involuntarily on my feet that he caught  me right before I fell.

"I'll take care of you Dean, I promise..." he whispered and then carried my weak self to the bathroom.

Months went by and slowly my health improved with his help. We lived together like a couple and fooled most of our neighbors but only we both knew the painful truth. I wasn't ready or maybe ever to love anyone besides Cas. So I decided to return to work even when Gabe insisted that it's not necessary since we're doing okay financially.

"I need to make myself busy, Gabe. I hope you'll understand." I stated and he did.

I worked diligently till I got promoted to managerial position in the cafe. Where before, I used to be a happy go lucky waiter who smiled and laughed with all my fellow co workers and patrons alike, now most of them feared me because I was very strict. I seldom smiled and when I did, it was only for the sake of my regular patrons. 

Gabriel was pleased that I looked better on the outside but sad to know that I was also torturing myself inside. Till now, I refused to visit Castiel's grave and this too mystified him. He thought that by visiting my late boyfriend's resting place, I would have some closure. Well, he's wrong. I will never felt like a complete person and even though we're supposedly dating, I have never felt so alone.

Then one day came when I decided to end this charade if only for his sake. Gabe's unrealistic hopes for us to be together had to stop. He deserved better and I could continue living this half life on my own. I didn't need anyone. But guess what? He still wouldn't take the baits, no matter how many times I hurt him with my nasty words and actions.

 

Gabriel

 

I knew that there's a very good reason why God put me on this planet because who would've thought that me, the selfish Don Juan who lived half of his adult life without care, without anyone telling him what to do, where to go, now burdened with this heavy responsibility of healing a broken heart. But it was one duty that I wholly accepted with wide opened arms. Dean's Cas legacy and I would always be his savior.

But my tasks weren't easy. Dean tested me, my patience, my love for him in so many different ways that if I was my old self, I would've left without haste. But no, I wouldn't bite and not just because of my promises to Castiel to keep him safe but because of my love for him. Dean's my first true love and I know that he'll be my last even though we never touched. How do I know that he's my true love? I will let him go when he finally found someone else worthy to share his heart with. It's a crazy sacrifice on my part I know but I recalled my own promise to myself that this was the risk I was willing to take on. 

Last night I caught him lying to me again about working late at the cafe. It just so happened that my meeting with a client (yes I am a reputable realtor now, selling hot properties off the west coast) ended an hour earlier that I thought I swung by to say hello to him. He wasn't there but fortunately one of his staff was compelled to provide me with details of his whereabouts. Though I never told them about our strange relationship, I knew that they felt sorry for me, the cheated boyfriend or perhaps disgusted by my obvious weakness when dealing with Dean.

Whatever, their opinions didn't matter. What matters to me was Dean's safety and there I found him, twirling almost half naked on the pole for the unworthy sordid audience to see. The pretty fake smile on his face could've fooled anyone but me. I watched him in the darkness until his show's over. Then I proceeded to the bouncer to tell him that I'm his boyfriend.

The burly guy wouldn't let me see him and so naturally I made a big fuss. Dean came out of his dressing room and was stunned to see me standing there with the bouncer's fists yanking at my shirt collar.

"Let him go." he ordered and my attacker did with a loud snicker then left.

"What are you doing here, Gabe?" he demanded and I smiled as I walked towards him.

"I came to your cafe but you weren't there, Dean. I thought you'll be working late and I wanted to surprise you." I stated gently without a hint of malice. I didn't blame him for lying. I was just happy to find him safe. I was once a liar to my lovers too though our relationship now was more complicated yet untainted than the ones I had before. 

"So you tracked me down? Why don't you just let me be, Gabe?" he countered in exasperation that I found myself wanting to hold him close instead of leaving. But I refrained myself and said.

"No, not like this, Dean and you know it. I wanted to make sure that you're okay and I am glad that you are. I'm not judging you Dean but if you really wanted to do this thing then do it because you enjoyed it, not because you hated your life." 

"Fuck you. Don't tell me how I should feel about myself, okay? I don't need your permission to live my life as I see fit." he hissed but I stood my ground.

"No, I am not giving my permission. Far from it. I wanted to see you truly happy and contented even without me around. That is all I wanted, Dean."

"If you want to see me happy Gabe, leave! Because I couldn't be happy knowing that I was only making your life miserable!" he shouted that the bouncer came rushing, ready to pounce on me again.

"Take him away!!" Dean ordered and there I was manhandled by two large bouncers out of the sleazy club.

I knew then that there's only one thing left to do. I went home and packed all of my belongings until no traces of me can be found. 

 

Dean

 

He caught me at last. I was not surprised to see him there. I wanted him to find me, be disgusted with me and then leave me. And yet I was disappointed that he didn't fight off the bouncers or tried to get back inside the club to demand for me for explanations. The obscenities I threw at him hurt me and I know I was only confusing myself but what else could I do?

It's almost a year now that we're living together, pretending to be lovers for whatever sake it was. For my healing sake or his promise to his dying brother? I don't think I even know what I wanted anymore but one thing for sure I hated myself so much for doing this to him. I couldn't love myself so how could I love him? But why am I missing him so much right now? It hurts just as much as when Cas, my angel, left me.

I lost my own emotional battle yet again as I ran out to my car and drove straight home. But Gabe's gone?! He's gone! I couldn't believe it that he would break finally! I should be pleased with myself right but why was there only deep pain that filled my entire heart now?!.

I fell on my knees in the middle of his stark, empty room, floor, crying so hard for the first time since he saved me from drowning in my sorrows a year ago. Even the sound of waves crashing outside seemed muted now that he's left. There's really nothing left for me in this world except perhaps death.

Gabriel had been my rock and yet I drove him away. The silence inside this house was so deafening that I screamed out his name until my voice became so hoarse that I could barely utter a word anymore.

Then I thought I heard soft footsteps approaching. Maybe I was imagining but I didn't have the strength to look up anymore. Perhaps it's the neighbor, wondering what the hell happened to me.

"Dean..."

And it's the voice of my other angel who came to rescue me.. yet again. Gabriel. 

 


End file.
